Notes from Dorcy’s Class

I’m a clinical psychologist.  A child rejecting a parent is an attachment-related pathology.  It is up to professional psychology to solve this family issue.  That’s our job.  That’s what we do.

Professional psychology is failing parents.  Professional psychology is failing the courts.  Professional psychology is not solving attachment-related pathology surrounding divorce.

It is up to professional psychology to solve this.

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That being said… Dorcy is doing something intriguing.  Really intriguing.  I’m so enjoying Dorcy’s class.  As a clinical psychologist who’s a specialist in family healing, I’m absolutely giddy with excitement listening to the ideas Dorcy is introducing; she introduced incredibly powerful change agents already in the first two classes.  And the way she is weaving them is masterful.

Second class she introduces the mirror.  My goodness gracious, that’s an incredibly powerful change agent.  Self-reflection.  More.  The mirror unlocks the power of self-reflective insight.  

The world is so captivating, causing us great pain and great pleasure.  What the world does to us is so captivating that we come to believe that the world does TO us.  When hurt, we believe we are victims of what the world does to us.  That’s trauma’s voice.

I can provide citations.  But the beauty of Dorcy’s creation is marred by professional language.  Dorcy’s unfolding of powerful change agents is elegant. 

We repeat patterns.  This provides our relationships with stability, even if it is a pathological stability.  The universe also gives us a way of growth and change – self-reflection.  When we engage self-reflection we have choice, and choice creates empowerment.

It’s a balancing for the brain.  Repeating patterns provides stability.  Self-reflection directed toward the patterns allows change.  Our patterns repeat unconsciously.  If the patterns are created unconsciously, outside of our self-awareness, how can we see the patterns we create; our patterns?  A: By using tools, tools described in sessions one and two, sourcing and the mirror. 

Yep.  That’ll do it.  She’s absolutely right. 

As she notes, the lower-self (where fears reside trying to protect us from re-traumatization) will resist efforts at self-reflection, because self-reflection brings us face-to-face with our hurt and our fears; with our trauma, with our self-criticism and fundamental insecurities. 

So our fears try to protect us, to keep us away from self-refection, distracted by the themes of blame.  Who’s to blame?  I’m not to blame.  You’re to blame.  Blame is the voice of trauma.

It’s not about victims; it’s not about blame.  Those are trauma-born orientations.  We are responsible.  Self-awareness brings empowerment.

When we have the compassion to look, “blame” becomes “responsible,” responsible becomes choice, and choice becomes change.

The mirror that Dorcy describes in week two is an extraordinarily powerful change agent.  The lower-self will run (defenses will activate).  That’s okay.  Go back to week one, use the tools of week one.  Work the steps.  Dorcy uses catalytic change agents.  Just do the steps.   

In week two, in addition to self-reflection, Dorcy opened mindfulness.  These are related, but ever-so-slightly different, concepts.  That’s a strong week two curriculum.  We’re only at week two and Dorcy’s got some strong stuff going.  We’ve got another seven sessions?  I’m absolutely giddy with delight, a little boy clapping my hands and jumping from side-to-side. Everything she’s saying is accurate.  I have not heard a single thing in two classes that I would disagree with.  Not one thing.  Everything Dorcy has said in weeks one and two is accurate.

But it’s also the way she’s putting the ideas together that is absolutely delightful.  I’m impressed.

The things Dorcy is describing to do, the shift in mind-orientation to events, is hard to do… well, actually, it’s only hard to do until it’s not, and then it’s easy to do.  It’s funny how that works.  It’s not actually hard, we make it hard.  When we stop making it hard, it’s actually really easy.  So it’s hard until it’s not, and then it’s easy.

Fear in the lower-self (fear in the micro- and macro-trauma networks) will seek to avoid, it runs from self-awareness. The fear is trying to protect us.

How do we respond to the fear, and to the avoidance it tries to create?  A: by appreciating its source.  Appreciate the role of our fears in trying to protect us.  Don’t fight.  …and don’t flee.  Allow.  Accept.  Appreciate.  Recognize.  Bring compassion and kindness to yourself, and to your fears.

Yep.  That’ll do it.  She’s absolutely right.

…and don’t flee.  Work the steps.

The mirror Dorcy described in week two is an incredibly powerful tool.  The lower-self will try to flee.  That’s okay.  Use the tools of week one.  Simple.  Not complicated.  It may seem hard (until it’s not). That’s the fears seeking to avoid.  Work the steps.  If you work the steps, things will change – because you will change them.

I love what Dorcy’s doing, and it’s only week two.  Seven more weeks… my goodness gracious. I’m excited.  What’s coming next?  I don’t know.  So far, it’s masterful work.  I’m truly impressed. 

Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist, PSY 18857