I do not seek the voices of the children, children are neutral. We will fight and win this battle with pathology without relying on the child’s voice. We will find other ways, children are neutral.
Yet the adult children who have recovered themselves from their devastated childhoods of loss created by the pathology of one parent, can carry the voice of and for the child.
This speaker is anonymous to me, and that’s the way it should be. She speaks for all children of alienation. This pathology is devastating for the children, and it moves in them for a lifetime, a childhood destroyed, a lifetime altered, a lifetime of enduring grief and loss. This is the voice of the child. Listen.
Dorcy Pruter is also that child. She’s not a psychologist or a mental health professional, she was that child. She too was abandoned to the pathology of one parent that alienated her from the other. She also had to self-recover because of the failure of professional psychology. She became determined to end this for every child.
I recently received this email from Dawn Endria McCarty, Chair, National Parents Organization Florida and Associate Producer for the documentary, Erasing Family. I found her email to me spoke with the authenticity of that child, the voice from and for the children of alienation. I asked and received her permission to post her email to me on my blog.
In addition to her work to bring an end to this devastating family pathology, she was that child. Ms. McCarty is a survivor of childhood alienation.
These now-adult children, like Dawn McCarty, are coming forward to speak. It is time to listen to this voice from the authentic child.
From Ms. McCarty:
It’s a pleasure to be introduced to you directly and I want to thank you for sharing your work so generously. As I watch your videos or read your posts to learn as much as I can from you, I have realized that for me, I take something away that is probably a little different than most, because I learn more about myself, than anything else. I am an adult child that experienced the emotional cutoff that you speak about and I was just telling Paul, that what I learn is that my experiences and feelings from the trauma I endured are validated and I have a deeper understanding of what really took place. I was abducted and erased from my father in 1972 and the world as I knew it vanished overnight. What that world was replaced with is what I have referred to over the years as my personal “Twilight Zone”, which I could never reconcile it in my head without help.
After a 44-year search, I finally found my father January 29, 2016 and together we were able to do some much-needed healing. I believe it is important for others to know is that a child cannot heal holistically without their erased parent, they need each other to really heal. Before I realized this, I never thought I had a purpose, but I have learned otherwise over the last 3 years. Thru the emotional roller coaster of feelings during the time I had with my father, I finally realized that there was a reason that I was able to survive the trauma as I did, and that is to share what I experienced now. To expose and oppose those that believe they are only thinking about the “best interest of the child”. I can dispute many of these arguments, where they are not able to dispute mine, because they are not thinking about the long-term effects of the child. They are only applying a band-aid to a wound that will never heal without the proper people and tools.
The turning point for me was when I lost my father again on January 19, 2018, only permanently this time. I am a member of the unpopular group of people that have lost someone dear to them twice in one lifetime. As we educate and reconnect children to their erased parents, there is potential for the membership of this group to grow if we don’t change and protect the child’s inalienable rights to love and be loved by both of their parents. I feel a loss, yes, but I also feel extremely blessed that I was able to spend those last two years with him before he left this world. I am fortunate in that respect, however for others, that means there is no time to waste, we must change now for the children of today.
I became a GAL and also participated in a few studies on the effects of abductions or emotional cutoffs, however they are hardly adequate for use by the United States to the degree we need them to be. To my knowledge there are no studies conducted on the long-term effects of childhood trauma that follows the children throughout their lives. We know that children do not outgrow their trauma, they do not get over it, they just suppress it. We know that these effects do not go away, even when on the outside there is nothing apparently wrong. It just sits idle in Pandora’s Box waiting for the trigger to be pulled and not many are ready or equipped with the needed tools to process these emotions. Not when it is like a firehose on full blast, aimed at their heart. It is my hope to get NPO to conduct a study of these long-term effects in the near future.
It is very true that you are working ahead of everyone else, as you mention in your posts. Your research, education, and communications validate the long-term effects that I felt as a very young child, growing into a young adult, and far into being a grown woman. By laying this out now, the way you have, means when we finally do get to conduct studies, there will be a model to follow. In combination with future studies, I hope it will help identify the issues a child faces throughout their lives. What I went through when my pandora’s box blew open was almost more than I could handle. I am strong, yet I still had trouble handling this, which makes me fear for the ones who are either too fragile, the young children, the vulnerable, or those who are shattered from the trauma. I am sharing my experiences by speaking and educating for them, which is quite possibly the missing key to the argument. I am trying to be an open book to allow others to have an example to study and ask questions, although I still have my trauma brain struggles from time to time. But I promise to keep at it.
That said, I am the chair for the National Parents Organization of Florida and as such, I am planning a Shared Parenting Conference this year with a Premiere of Erasing Family to officially kick of the Impact Campaign that Michelle Stegall-Jordan has implemented. I work closely with her and she has been coaching me both personally and professionally. We have so many great resources and I am a huge collaborator of sharing and tapping into the tools and expertise that are effective. I have already had three screenings in the state with 3 or 4 more in the works and my hope is that with the attention we gain from Impact Campaign and hosting a statewide conference for equal shared parenting, we can get things rolling in our state legislatively by next year.
One member of my NPO team is Leslie Ferderigos (aka Lawyer Leslie and the “Alienated Kids” videos), whom you reached out to regarding a shared parenting conference in our state. We would love to have you attend, if you are available. We are teaming up with Danica Joan (Custody Matters) for a conference on April 24th and will probably have at least one other later on in the summer or fall. If you can make the April conference, that would be fantastic, otherwise I can work with your schedule for the timing of the other conference later in the year.
I am looking forward to learning from and hopefully working with you more in the future.
Dawn Endria McCarty
Chair, National Parents Organization Florida
Associate Producer – Erasing Family
I am unable to attend the conference in Florida on the 24th because I will be returning from my seminars with Dorcy in Ireland in April. I hope to be in Florida in the future.
The world is changing. It needs to change.
I will not place any of the burden for change onto the child. That is our responsibility. I’m fine with that. Empathy, make it easy, no worries. There are others, though, who were that child. Who understand that child. Who speak with that child’s voice.
We need to listen to that voice, the voice of the authentic child. We need to bring them solutions for the entire family, to return to them a childhood of love and bonding, for all children, everywhere.
Empathy. Simple empathy.
Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist, PSY 18857